wild melody

"Do not be anxious about anything,  but in every situation , by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving , present your requests to God.  And the peace of God ,  which transcends all understanding ,  will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. " (Phil 4:6-7) alright Lord. here i am. i want to believe this verse. i'm anxious about everything. i'm weighed down. i'm discouraged. i'm weak, incapable, inadequate. i feel like i'm failing every area of my life. so i bring this to bear like a sword to the doubt & fear & worry in my heart. You love to be reminded of Your promises? well then. You have promised to provide peace when I bring you my cares with prayer & thanksgiving. i can't do that on my own. my flesh is too weak. my doubting logical mind whispers it will lead to failure. how can you bring these things to God and let them go? how will you improve or fix them? you have to keep thinking about them! mm NO.  lets be...

fuzzy static. there's a radio connection between my heart & the Spirit. the sounds of a station one click to the left, almost clear. bit the words are garbled. i keep it fuzzy. do I really want to tune in? or not. it might make me change my current course of action. it's probably going to piss off one person in particular, & I really don't want any flak. but I'm the shittiest liar/faker on the planet so I'm already being a fun-killer bc of my internal indecisions. the tension is obvious. //I fear man more than God.// I could hear it, loud and clear. Wouldn't even have to move or leave the people around me. it would be so simple. one click. "alright Lord, what are you saying? I'm listening..." but I don't. //i care more about approval & fitting in then I do about communication w my God// mmm, but. excuses flood my mind. but I'm really sick if being "that" girl. I'm always alone in these things. why me? if ...

dear rend collective experiment, i think it was love at first listen. partly because it was my favorite hymn ya'll rewrote. partly because let's be honest, i've been obsessed with Ireland & my irish heritage since age 5 and its incurable after visitng the island at 21. mostly though, its the way you draw my heart to see Christ. your music is a tool He uses. like putting a filter over my camera lens, one that causes God's beauty to sharpen in focus & the flashy cheapness of the world's pleasure to blur.  i love the way you speak what my heart feels. i love the fresh words you use--they're not big or new words. simple, honest words; the kind i use to speak about my relationship with God that i rarely hear in songs. our language is so tired in the church, while our story is quite the opposite! for example  keep me near : "rescue me in weakness of mind...You are everything that is beautiful, You are all that i want to see in me; create in me a hear...

tuesdays are not my day. we struggle to have a love/hate relationship...i roll out of bed at 5.20 for bible study. sometimes have pt at 8 afterwards, if not i get Jesus time. walk into school around 10.30am & don't get out of my last class till 9.15pm. the highlights of my day are: seeing sunrise, coffee from home or from scraping my change together, lab, & my 5.20-6.30 break. i feel like i'm dying halfway through my second class. but i do love bio lab. (sometimes i think that's bc its 3 of 4 & know FOOD is about to happen haha) but. i survive all 11hrs every week. and this time, God met me. so many little ways. i saw His hand all over the place! convicted me. i need to start looking for beauty specifically on tues. need to be praying while i walk from class to class, need to look for grace & ways to be love. since this is my blog and i can be as boring as i want to. here's a recap of the first thankfulness tues. this tuesday. life was beautiful...

sometimes the easiest way to fight for joy, to fight to trust God when it seems He is letting go of His grip on the world is (for me anyway) to completely shift focus. to not think on those things. not sort them out, not try to understand. to let go & admit that my mind is too small. to really grasp His plans anyway. to humble myself--lets be real, if God explained His plans step by step i still would be unable to grasp them. i have not the mental scope. finite meeting infinite. i need to let it go. focus my mind on Christ. its in His hands. so. A Praying Life  by Paul Miller is a book i've been soaking in for almost a year now. haven't quite finished it, but i've reread chapters over n over. its simple. but parts of it have grabbed my heart. thought i'd post some of the underlined sections that convicted/comforted me .  One of the biggest key points of the book is that prayer is about our hearts & relationship with God. "As you develop your rela...

grateful for undeserved common graces: 236) spent wed-thurs babysitting one of my fave families of 5 + an extra girl. 237) comfy sweatpants 238) clean water & hot water--in my house! 239) Beks is happy, well & loves living in WV. 240) Sarah. Abigail. Beks. Wesley. {{i am astoundingly wealthy. 241) made a Mediterranean fish dinner last night after a year of wanting. & it tasted amazing. 242) Friday night w. Emma. my sunshine. lovely.