wild melody

this actually happened: "... But they all cried out together,  “Away with this man, and release to us Barabbas”—   a man who had been thrown into prison for an insurrection started in the city and  for murder.   Pilate addressed them once more, desiring to release Jesus,   but they kept shouting, “Crucify, crucify him!”     A third time he said to them, “Why,  what evil has he done?  I have found in him no guilt deserving death .  I will therefore punish and release him.”   But they were urgent, demanding with loud cries that he should be crucified. And their voices prevailed.   So Pilate decided that their demand should be granted.   He released the man who had been thrown into prison  for insurrection and murder, for whom they asked,  but he delivered Jesus over to their will.  Two others, who were criminals, were led away to be put to death with him. ...And when they came to the place that is cal...

sometimes. people are broken. and they break others out of their own hurt. sometimes a broken heart is like a shard of glass, scratching everything nearby unconscious of it's wreckage. helpless to stop. its messy. sometimes God doesn't show up and save the day, at least not in your timing. and pastors or counselors have all the answers. all the Bible words, concepts, whatever pared down into "if you do a & b, c & d will result. or it should unless you're just not doing the right thing." hmm. but. we're human. (read: fallible) therefore our interpretations of life/bible/people aren't always perfect. can we admit that God doesn't fit in boxes? can we please be honest and say we don't know? sure, we know some things: God works all things together for good. He brings forth good fruit from our pain. He refines us through trials. He NEVER punishes a believer for sins, because Christ bore all the punishment we could and will ever ea...

hi guys. good news! i am still here. bad news! i haven't had time to write out the how-God-drastically-changed-this-heart-and-why-i-now-have-a-tatt post. i really do intend to...i actually NEED to make the time. hopefuls for tonight? because i am one of those people who has to process her life. ya know, taking time out of it, thinking & compartmentalizing & doing the whole what is the big picture/story here that i don't see? kinda deal. (oh look. horrendously constructed, ultra confusing sentence for the day? done!) but what i do have time for is to slap up some pictures. i actually had this fantastical post written the night i did this (i think it was 3 weeks ago?) but i did it on my phone and cash deleted it. :( so this is the scrambled version but it beats nothing. i smile everytime i remembered this day so i thought i'd share the happy. a few weeks ago, i got off work around 2.30 in winter park and as i was driving by the I-4 ramp toward home, th...

Genesis 32.22-32 has always had special meaning for me. how i have related to jacob & his wrestlings! i had often felt the conquering, the broken hip...but never the finality of God's victory. never the new naming. until last year. last feb specifically. that was the hip breaking. the one where the joint is literally out of socket and irreparable without miracle. march was accepting i needed to be remade. and april 15 i knew that i knew  i had a new name. not just conquered. not just being turned inside out. but restored, recreated. in the process these verses have come to be engraved on my heart: Psalm 40.1-3 // 2 Timothy 1.12 // Romans 5-8 none of this is new, i was puking & bawling on here during this whole thing. but still i feel i want to take however much time i need to write this out. because it's my story. and its a story of God's rich crazy mercy, one i already tend to forget. and as i can't see what God is doing these days perhaps it will help to ...

"Even our (failures) can bring forth}} good .if. they crush our independence,  }}drive} us closer to Christ and make us more aware of our need of grace . The greatest need of a true saint is a greater revelation of the love of God IN CHRiST." ~paul washer so maybe i feel like i am doing the worst single-mum-of-5 + dog + helpful teenage weekend ever. i think i was more fun, patient, leading-little-hearts-toward-Christ aware my very first time at this than i am now. but. maybe God's working in me. AND these precious littles. maybe He has a plan in all the littlest things that don't seem siginificant at all. who knows? He is about the business of redeeming hearts...hooray. cheers.