Genesis 32.22-32 has always had special meaning for me. how i have related to jacob & his wrestlings! i had often felt the conquering, the broken hip...but never the finality of God's victory. never the new naming.
until last year. last feb specifically. that was the hip breaking. the one where the joint is literally out of socket and irreparable without miracle. march was accepting i needed to be remade. and april 15 i knew that i knew i had a new name. not just conquered. not just being turned inside out. but restored, recreated. in the process these verses have come to be engraved on my heart:
Psalm 40.1-3 // 2 Timothy 1.12 // Romans 5-8
none of this is new, i was puking & bawling on here during this whole thing. but still i feel i want to take however much time i need to write this out. because it's my story. and its a story of God's rich crazy mercy, one i already tend to forget. and as i can't see what God is doing these days perhaps it will help to recount. recount His faithfulness. wake up my heart & spiritual eyes a bit more.
so i will in the next three posts. but not now. because right now i am far to happy & excited to use words well...right now i am still soaking in the fact that i belong to GOD and not myself; that i am His child & servant; that i have raised the white flag and surrendered EVERYTHING once and for all. & i put that in permanent ink on my skin today. so i can never, ever take it back. no turning back!
i am safe. not in myself. my body, my mind, my heart may all be crushed or shattered.
but my soul is safe. hid with Christ on high!
i am secure in all things.
wild joy. no other way to describe it!!