midnight exhalation

people are broken.
and they break others out of their own hurt.
sometimes a broken heart
is like a shard of glass,
scratching everything nearby
unconscious of it's wreckage. helpless to stop.
its messy.

sometimes God doesn't show up and save the day, at least not in your timing.

and pastors or counselors have all the answers. all the Bible words, concepts, whatever pared down into "if you do a & b, c & d will result. or it should unless you're just not doing the right thing."

hmm. but. we're human. (read: fallible) therefore our interpretations of life/bible/people aren't always perfect.

can we admit that God doesn't fit in boxes? can we please be honest and say we don't know? sure, we know some things: God works all things together for good. He brings forth good fruit from our pain. He refines us through trials. He NEVER punishes a believer for sins, because Christ bore all the punishment we could and will ever earn (and God is a Holy God who must stay Just in His dealings with us). there is always hope. but its not a here and now hope. it can be. but its not the foundation.
that means
we may taste, enjoy, experience said "good" right here.
 or. we may not *ever* see the good from (some) situations_.here.
"good" means a day in heaven, eternal good, hearts-being-made like His good. not pretty flowers, easy answers, everything-better-like-new-in-the-present.
refining takes years. yeeaarrss, in some lives, before He turns down the heat.
He lets us live out the consequences of sin. He disciplines us so we don't run out into the metaphorical street.

i just wish we would admit that. admit that we don't know. admit that it may never get better on earth, admit that it doesn't make sense and people--yes, believers--are experiencing real pain that we don't have solutions, medicine, or band-aids for. can we please just say "i don't know why you're in that situation. it hurts. it sucks. God is still good, so don't lose heart. i get that it doesn't look like it, so i'll fight to believe with you. but i can't and won't try to explain it all for you. nor give you the manual on what it is that you're doing wrong to stop or should be doing right to start." can we ever just cry with each other? can we not be so squeamish? can we stop running from discomfort? can we be ok with hurting?
it's like we're afraid to acknowledge suffering AND God. but admitting un-understandable, this doesn't make sense suffering isn't saying that God is a liar. it's not denying His promises.
it brings us smack into the face of our own definitions of those promises.
it shatters our own boxes and Americanization of the bible & what following God looks like.
it makes us face our doubts, fears, unbelief.
isn't that where faith loses borders? where trust grows into something real?
when we lose our own ideas of what "good" and "safe" and "heal" look like?

idk. i know that Christ does heal. yes and amen, Christ is enough for all! and He is a healer! i believe He knows the end result of all things and holds all the answers. but we're not going to know ALL the answers. He also takes time...
and no amount of
human will
or force
or attempt
can hasten the clock of the Creator.

that's all. now i will sleep.


Russet Gown said...


DearVoid said...

<3 amen. wish we had answers for these unanswerables... but I know that's why He's given us our "Aarons and Hurs"... :)