6.10.2016

He delights in showing mercy

You delight in showing mercy

delight

it's not a duty, or a chore; you're not angry or annoyed that i need your mercy more than the earth needs rain.

you are not exacting, frustrated, judgmental. i live under this burden of exact cause and effect. this belief that every action can only add up to it's deserving consequence. that any good or forward motion must be earned and fought for with the absolute best you can give; but even then don't get your hopes up...because your best isn't always enough. there is no entitlement, life owes you nothing and fairness only comes into play when you screw up. punishments and consequences of mistakes always pay out--even though the rewards and fruit for hard work, diligence and effort don't.

but that's not life with you. it's a perspective i've been partly given and partly created. You are   g r a c i o u s.  i'm supposed to be free! not only from sin; but from this burden of fear & failure meaning the end of all things. you know me deeper than even i ever will. you hold my past. i am bound to this earth, to this space and time so that my history presses in and threatens to crush me. i can't escape it, i can't rewrite it. but you--you are outside space & time. you're above and beyond gravity and failure and this messy broken chaos. i can give you my past, my failures & mistakes and bad decisions. let them go safely into your hands. you can bring redemption. ha! all this realization over things with little moral weight, with mistakes bringing no harm to anyone but myself and regrets that only i must stare down.

you can show me mercy. you know that my best doesn't look like what i think it should. but you're ok with that. you love me anyway, and you delight in bringing things i didn't ask for, didn't earn. you can change my endings. mercy. there is grace. there is no fate, no set in stone consequences. i can change the endings. i can rewrite this chapter. i have room and time for movement forwards.

thank  you.


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