I just read this article http://natepyle.com/confronting-the-lie-god-wont-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle/

I agree. wholeheartedly! the verse taken out of context has always bothered me. isn't the whole point of life that we can't handle it alone?

it's where I am. I have questions I need to ask. not bc I need answers, but bc admitting them bringing them into the light will expose the lies I'm believing. I need to be gut-level honest with God about all the doubts I've been trying not to think. 

I know I won't get answers. it's not all going to get from head to heart in one night. but. there will be peace. and God can fill my unbelieving terrified aching heart with hope. he can get me to the place of expectant waiting, the one the article ends with & where I, quite frankly, am sick of being. right now I don't want to go there. but bitterness is a pair of glasses that blocks all the good & beauty in life. all the quietly redemptive works.

psalm 38.8-9, 15,18, 21-22
am feeble and crushed; I groan because of the tumult of my heart.
O Lord, all my longing is before you;

my sighing is not hidden from you.
v.v.But for you, O Lord, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.
I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sin.
Do not forsake me, O LordO my God, be not far from me! 
Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!

He sees the deeps of my heart, even the things I've been not admitting to myself.

also, there is a magnificent thunderstorm right now. grace drenches like rain, no?

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