God i don't really know what i'm doing.
i don't think i'm the right person for this place | this time | these people.
i can think of others--specifically two right now--that would be a much better fit. (i think). so i'm a little confused...it causes me to stop and think "oh no what if i'm not supposed to be doing this? what if i'm wrong?" and i can't. can't waste time, can't allow doubt or fear into my mind. God you HAVE to be sending me or else i'm not going to make it...
i believe You are.
but maybe i'm just scared. ouch. i'm not sure i'm down for this, i feel like i'm going to be stretched & probably broken a bit. right now i'm craving comfort and safety. like staying home is akin to crawling into my nice warm bed and snuggling under the covers...
but that's not the life i want to lead.
being comfortable won't lead to the life i want. comfort won't ultimately see Your glory unfold, won't build in me as much of a character in Your great story as discomfort will. at this point. what a reversal of my life! for so long i wanted to be the one going...and You were working greater things in the waiting.
now you say go,
and i'm scared.
cause i see my indaequacies and stay there. instead of looking at Your sufficiency. i am unworthy. but i am NOT worthless.
thank You Jesus.
go before me, go with me, and be my rearguard?
and oh God save the children. rescue the orphans. I cannot change their lives. but You, You can change their hearts from the inside out.