yes i'm complaining about the gift of education...forgive me

(i loathe papers.)

{(i am so not a fan of writing to specifications...staying [inside boxes] is SO NOT my thing. boundaries? i get the necessity. framework? yes please and thank you. structure? sure, i'll take the help...but super specific page by page instructions? eei;aognauognubuv!! worse than a free hand topic with no direction! at least for this person)}

(((also my perfectionism is intense with writing legit papers...its an evil dragon that must be slain. like right now. i have to follow ever single grammar rule. comma or no comma? is that a run on or does it break up the monotony of short statements? uuugh. its like slavery--every sentence has to be constructed the best possible way. every word has to be purposeful and work towards conveying whatever idea it's meant to efficiently, interestingly, accurately. oh. dear. HELP. as in if somebody who read this blog read a paper i wrote, they wouldn't believe i wrote it lol. that's why i take great delight in writing however the helium i want to here. cause otherwise my pen is in a straight-jacket...that's why my high school english teacher thought i had a very smooth style of prose and to this day thinks i should be a writer: because i spend 2 hours making one page .perfect. strange, isn't it.)))

 who will deliver me from this body of death???

lol. grateful for the gift of laughing at one's self! :)

thank you Jesus for the gift of education. thank you for revealing my pride and perfectionistness that still reigns in this area. thank you that i am not an english major. thank you that i can ask You for help in silly little things like papers. thank you that even if i am your needy-est little, You love my helplessness. You created me to be especially prone to it, after all...thank You that this is not my life forever. thank you that even if i miserably mess up my GPA, You know i'm working best i can. thank You that ultimately, while i can study for Your glory and seek it...i'm not in control of getting a 4.0 or a 3.7. i am not the one who decides if i do nursing or physician's assistant school... if You want me in medical missions, You're gonna get me there. //pressure//OFF! thank goodness You are creative! and i adore that You're soveriegn, good, all powerful, loving. i adore that You have ordained my every step to this point, that the boundary lines have truly fallen in pleasant places--even at this tiny community college where i am an old freshman. help me always delight in You like a kid!! cause i don't ever want to go back to the hell of living in my own strength.


Abi said...

I just need to say reading this and sitting next to you as you argue with your paper is pretty much perfect living right there, even if it's at your expense ;)

damaris said...

hahaha!!! now you know why writing at starbucks is so awkward for me... ;)

and amen, having somebody to laugh at the weirdo facts i turn up & play random music def helps me stay focused...i didn't do nearly as many push-ups or start a manic cleaning project out of frustration...