"you're no broken record turning, you're a wild melody..."
upmost for his highest // aug 4
He took the twelve aside . . . -Luke 18:31
"Oh, the bravery of God in trusting us! Do you say, "But He has been unwise to choose me, because there is nothing good in me and I have no value"? That is exactly why He chose you. As long as you think that you are of value to Him He cannot choose you, because you have purposes of your own to serve. But if you will allow Him to take you to the end of your own self-sufficiency, then He can choose you to go with Him "to Jerusalem" (Luke 18:31). And that will mean the fulfillment of purposes which He does not discuss with you.
We tend to say that because a person has natural ability, he will make a good Christian. It is not a matter of our equipment, but a matter of our poverty; not of what we bring with us, but of what God puts into us; not a matter of natural virtues, of strength of character, of knowledge, or of experience- all of that is of no avail in this concern. The only thing of value is being taken into the compelling purpose of God and being made His friends (see 1 Corinthians 1:26-31). God's friendship is with people who know their poverty. He can accomplish nothing with the person who thinks that he is of use to God. As Christians we are not here for our own purpose at all- we are here for the purpose of God, and the two are not the same. We do not know what God's compelling purpose is, but whatever happens, we must maintain our relationship with Him. We must never allow anything to injure our relationship with God, but if something does injure it, we must take the time to make it right again. The most important aspect of Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we maintain and the atmosphere produced by that relationship. That is all God asks us to give our attention to, and it is the one thing that is continually under attack."
(nailed. i have allowed things to injure my relationship with my God; i have demanded to see His purposes in certain situations; i have been too arrogant-proud-stubborn to be used. i've allowed spiritual warfare from ukraine to follow me home--i've given over victory to the enemy when fighting was as easy as declaring "i know Whom i have believed, and that is enough. i don't need to figure anything out, don't need to know His plan to know He is good, always at work on behalf of His children, always saving lost and always working a slooow victory and redemption." thank you Lord, for using oswald to clear my vision. yet again)