sometimes other people write your heart and you find it by pleasant surprise

i just read this on my friend laura's blog. sssh. i am stealing her words.
this morning i had sunrise at the atlantic. + comrade. to download a bit with somebody who is processing ukraine too in a place where God's glory is so very visually stunning we could not forget about His beauty & goodness & power.
the whole drive home, i was thinking. about how God grows me, how i recognize this cycle. amazing experiance-flames-ashes-rebirth. but my attitude wasn't great. i was thinking "God, can this be enough change for the year? can i just curl up in a corner and You can get my heart where & in whatever shape it needs to be? ..."
laura convicted me. EXACTLY where my heart is! i didn't know how to put it in words {emphasis mine}

And so that's why I refuse to be broken forever.  That's why I refute the lies with the truth.  That's why I stay awake when I want to crawl under the covers.  That's why I welcome in the new even when sometimes I just wish, wish so hard, for the old.  Because I will not let this heart, this life God has given, to dry up and leave me a walking bottle of tears.  I won't do it.  I will hold onto hope.  I won't let things go without being grateful for what they are, what they have been, what they have the possibility of being, what God could and will and can do.  I won't hang onto broken hearted times, rubbing the bronze shiny, just to say I remember how it hurt so much then and how it can still hurt so much now.

I won't stop saying, "Thank you." even if my throat is too closed to get the words out at the time.

"God has dealt graciously with me, 

and... I have (all things, 

more than) enough."

~ Genesis 33:11