I was kinda skimming along ann voskamp's latest and i didn't really get into it but then these words in bold stopped me in my tracks. SO VERY TRUE!! so where i am. heart attacks adn renderings and shards of self-will and desires splintering, all the while knowing there is good in the shattering and God is making beautiful things out of dust but sometimes not even caring just wanting easiness.

today is a strange day. today is the kind when i am very aware that there are different kinds of happy.  maybe satan is tempting me to believe the kind i have now isn't the best. but i'm not falling into that lie! today is going to be a day i believe life is beautiful-always beautiful, no matter the season. some just take more looking for that beauty than others. but if God is always good, there is always something to be grateful in. something to give ammo to the fight for joy. something to make hearts stop and breathe and smile with eyes closed for a minute.

anyway enough stupid talk. here's the boldness that made my heart stop with the gut-punch of truth. i'm reeling, a little shell-shocked. a little bit of wrestling been going on in this heart, i'm at a crossroads. the clearer the call on my life becomes, the clearer and sharper just what the cost may be, just what i may lose becomes as well. this just goes along so well with the scripture that stood out to me last night from 1 Corinthians. 

"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him."

"You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men."

"...but we endure anything rather than put an obstacle in the way of the gospel of Christ."

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."

Sometimes standing by Scriptural truth can feel a bit like surviving a heart attack.

But what can feel like the exploding of your heart might be the way Truth slams out of your chest like a fireworks of grace.