1) i am not nearly as "made-new" as i thought. i need a lot more breaking.
probably done more necessary confessing & repenting the past month than i have in my whole life to date. i'm learning i can take the "roof off" all i want, but just being open before God isn't always enough. i also need to take "walls down" and be open to others.
2) i have amazing friends, who reflect well their greater, more amazing God's grace.
cases in point:
a few nights ago a kind friend text me this as a way of forgiving me:
"Isn't GRACE just the most beautiful experience ever!? The grace in conviction, the grace in humility, the grace in forgiveness! It's astounding!!"
this morning another friend emailed me:
"I want you to see your imperfections, your weaknesses and your failures NOT has chains of condemnation, but as opportunities for God to come, save, and raise up in His strength and love! God's plan for using you, is so much wider than you can see or intend... more than you can thing to look for or anticipate. His power to use us goes even beyond our motives... I'm not saying that our heart posture doesn't matter, quite the contrary. However, God is not limited, God is not stopped, and as His child God is going to accomplish His purpose in your life no matter what. He's going to bring you safely across the finish line... don't lose heart, because of how you feel... He's got you covered. :)"
i am starting to see. God's grace is rich. aaand i'm starting to see. that i am too proud to accept it. there are times i do, but there are times like now where it seems impossible for me to stop striving and just RECEIVE. oh to be free from the chains of pride! if i will embrace all this seeming death and just admit yeah i need grace, i need Jesus, i still don't get it...there will be new life. He will change. especially when i read this yesterday:
"all new life only comes from a complete revolution.