3.29.2012

hosea's wife

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt. “And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer will you call me ‘My Baal.’ For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more. And I will make for them a covenant on that day...I will abolish the bow, the sword, and war from the land, and I will make you lie down in safety. And I will betroth you to Me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord." ((hosea 2.14-20))
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((my esv notes: "the Lord will meet Isreal at the same place He met with Isreal before...It is the place of repentance. God will take Isreal back into the desert, and begin His work with her all over again..."))

i am hosea's wife. not a new realization, i've always related to isreal in the old testament. the example in hosea especially. anybody reading the last year's writing can see why...the stubborness, the wandering, doubt & unbelief & seeming inability to take God as Who He says He is. the inexplicable returning to chains. (chains are twistedly safer than freedom to those who are scarred broken wreckages).
i am relating to hosea's wife yet again...the Lord has brought me to the desert. wilderness is not pleasant. but this one? there is beauty and joy in the dusty isolation. and this time, it is entirely new. different. yes i am tempted to wander, i am afraid, i doubt promises.
but i am no longer scarred. i am not self-destructive from wounds i cannot bear. no, i am free. {FREE} from what i spent so long denying. free from what, when i was forced to face, oh foolish little girl! what a bloody mess she made, trying to super glue or band-aid or ignore or duct tape...so many failed attempts to heal myself. so much impatience & pretending the work was done. but HE has done what i could not. what none but Jesus ever could. He has done an incredible healing work over the past two and half years. most especially over the past year...the stitching up within the past 4 months has been...insane. you'd expect this to be all caps and exclamations. but ah, the calmness of deep relief! i can't express the gratitude and wholeness i feel loudly. i'm kinda too overwhelmed. feeling it too deeply. (when i am overwhelmed, i go still)
so. back to main point. this new seeing...it's a different place of repentance. a repentance that sees her utter inability to change & instead is learning rest. learning to accept forgiveness. learning to wait on His timing and be sure in His love. brokenness, but in a pure way that mends. its a hurt that releases. i am not who i was a year ago...i am in the midst of intense deconstruction-rereation. hosea's wife. i am her, and she was a whore, yes. but.
she was loved.
she was pursued.
she was found.
restored.
she was made beautiful.
the love of her God gives her worth.
and creates beauty out of wrecks.
astounding.
(shane & shane's "acres of hope" nails it.)

2 comments:

Abi said...

amen, amen, amen. Thank you for heartspeak. Your honesty and proclamations of truth keep me in the fray.
and acres of hope is my theme today.

My name is als.... said...

love you dearly friend. thanks for being open and honest. it points people to jesus. miss you so much. praying for you all the time.