11.11.2011

yellow tulips

i have this friend...she brought me a mason jar of yellow tulips today. (smile) just cause she understands the fight to wear yellow & not grey. she wrote a note that nailed me, convicted me, and gave me hope. it meant the world to me. and it wasn't at all practical or convenient--she drove 35 miles out of her way, just to show me love. just to remind me God is greater than my hurt. just to say, "i know you're heart's been taking a brutal beating, but you're not alone in this fight, & it's worth it, so don't give up. deliverance is coming!" ah wow. undeserving me!

abi gives me a reason to believe in God's goodness. she LOVES Jesus & pursues Him no matter what. she has a hard time saying the words "i" & "love"; which is funny b/c dang, she says it without words far better than almost anybody i know! she has a talent for writing. a magic with words. she's astounding. oh, did i mention she's one of my childhood best friends ever?! yeah. THAT'S how i KNOW God loves me!! seriously. she is an example of Christ's love for me. i never feel in danger of losing her friendship. no matter how unloving, self-focused, doubtful, selfishly downcast i am. she's never given up on me. no matter what, she'd still fight for me. still encourage me. still listen. i'm not sure how i know this, i just do. i never feel as if i could, or need to, earn her friendship. i just have it. the same way i just have Jesus love-- that is not typical of me. i don't think i'm a very lovable sort & i don't trust people. i'm secure in hers, in this friendship / sisterhood. How kind He is!

THE biggest gift she gives is in making Jesus more beautiful to me, in whatever way I need it. sometimes, that means stabbing me with truth. she convicts me. pushes me to love Jesus more, reveals areas i question Him, asks hard questions. sometimes directly, sometimes the Lord just uses her without her knowing. her direct correction is painful, but loving. truly the "faithful are the wounds of a friend" kind. she takes the time to know me, to really find out where my heart is first. so it goes down easily. perhaps it's because i respond to gentleness, and her direct correction is always honest, gentle& loving. i feel that she legit cares for me when she cares for my soul. prob helps that we have the same mind & heart 90% of the time...lol. God uses her as His scalpel. i am so grateful for it.

i can't come close to returning the blessing & encouragement abi gives me. i want to! even though i never feel like i have to, in fact that makes me want to try all the more...
thanks for being a spot of yellow in my life too abi. you're part of how Jesus makes life beautiful.
(^^^)

1 comment:

Abi said...

So, I finally feel like I can respond :). I'm so thankful you know I really love you no matter what. and I know it's the same in reverse. God constantly uses you to revive my soul, to pull me off the ground, place a firm sword in my hand, and lead me in the charge. You keep my eyes on the prize comrade, and I am more grateful for you than 35 miles and tulips can express!