i feel like i need to run 8 miles to figure out what's inside me. i need a huge thunderstorm, and i need to be IN it. not watching it from behind glass. actually inside where the lightning tingle threatens to strike me and stop my heart. where the rain is so powerful it soaks me in seconds, forcing me to my knees. where the wind almost knocks me over. that sounds really good to me right now...
good news. i won't care in five years. about anything i do now, except Jesus. and the people i am closest to. that's it. it won't matter whether i felt failure or triumph, it won't matter how often i sinned or how often i loved Jesus. those decisions are important in the here and now, but really. super big deals are quickly forgotten in this life. thankfully.
i'm a mess. no really, and not the hot southern kind either. more like the Oh God sombody call the demolition crew lol...hazard to myself much.
in light of eternity though, that doesn't really matter either. even things i don't see God working through. things i think will affect my future. won't. that is in God's hands, and i can't really change it. i can make it easier or harder on myself to follow Him, and thats the end of my finite power. *whew! what a good deal! my God works in the impossible. scratch that, He THRIVES on impossible. He's most glorified when we are weak, when it's obvious that it's His power at work.
if it's not obvious that i am weak. incapable of doing any good on my own.
what disorganized ramblish. how shocking. i normally write so neat & coherent...