5.06.2011

sometimes i don't have words

((often)). especially when there is so much going on inside of me...good things & heart things & my head trying to sort it all out but realizing some things in life, are not logicalness. sometimes God gives us situations. that require trusting. blind following. resting in His plans & knowledge and the joy of being okay with knowing only that He is in control. i put on my pointe shoes today. and danced until i was shakily beyond breathing. as if i could dance my emotions into articulation...if only i could!! if only i had movements for my heart. sigh. news flash: i an't do a fouette en pointe anymore. only one rotation and the ankle gives out, so tragical. haha. mmm. so here i am sitting in my room. back supported by a sea coloured wall, hurting rubbed raw feet stretched out in front of me. the warmth of the laptop easing sore legs. allie moss & eminem sharing my grooveshark.
and my heart is so full.
my head confused,
but peacefully resting on an anchor stronger than me.
and i have no words.
they're trapped,
trapped in my chest like a swallow in a cage.
but i don't feel suffocated.
cause God knows what the hell is going on.
and i am...
JOYFUL. FREE. LIGHTHEARTED. and feeling, for the first time in my life actually FEELING & not fighting to believe, that HE cares for me.
truly cares. like a father for a daughter, not just loving...actively taking care of me.
(^seems messily throwing thoughts is the thing of late^)

2 comments:

Abi said...

on a completely impersonal level (forgive the English major monster within) this is a damn good piece of writing!
Just don't treat emotions with a 13yr old little boy ;)
I'm praying for you in this insane-but-exciting new leg of life!

damaris said...

really? but i don't even know how to write! i don't even try i just verbally puke on paper! lol.
thanks! I love the english major monster...you beks and sarah all write...obviously i'm attracted to english majors. haha ;)