4.04.2011

Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by
You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked
So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine...
I hate to break it to you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

just had one of "those" days. those days are not bad days. just days when i feel like too many people love me too much. they all want to speak into my life. which i welcome. but it'd be nice to agree to disagree about my life choices occasionally. haha. aahh. gotta love people.
here's the thing.
when i'm blatantly honest, (which is rare. because it leads to even more shooting in love so to speak.) i have to say i'm waiting on the Lord. in SOME sense. but it's not as if i'm at a stand still. not by any means!
it's that awful word
waiting.
think people get this visual of me waiting like i'm in a que. as if i'm in line at the grocery store waiting for the clerk to hand me the directions for my life. or expecting God to speak audibly. or sitting around anticipating the Lord to tell me what to do. as if i'm waiting for my life to start. aimless. no dreams or goals or ambitions.
that is NOTHING like what i mean. not in the slightest tiniest bit. i have more ambitions than i quite kno wwhat to do with. they're just not the loud and flashy kind. nor do i feel a need to announce them all to the world.
waiting probably is a bad word.
in reality:
i know exactly what i want. maybe not all the specs. but my generals have detail.
i have some very strong ideas of how the Lord wants to use my life.
and so far, the two are pretty matched up.
so.
could i be wrong, yep. i'm sure i am. in some ways.
but. when i'm waiting. i mean that the Lord is telling me to chill out. to not keep slamming my shoulder against a shut door. to trust that He's doing the prep work and someday i will get "there." all i do is bruise my shoulder and break my trust when i try to get ahead of Him.

it's kinda like a runner. runners wait for marathons by training. running on tracks & through woods. they have to build endurance, strength; haveta know they want to win. fiercely. so that desire can carry them through the pain to finish well.
i'm not waiting.
i'm training.

i rambled this out with my semi-venting-i'm-not-angry-but-it'd-be-nice-if-they-would-listen-and-actually-HEAR-me playlist in my ears. in the heat of emotion. well actually heat is to strong of a word. anyway messy would be an understatement. to describe this.^
love having an outlet nobody can find. score.

1 comment:

Abi said...

yes, yes YES! I understand "those" days. Waiting is actually active, thanks for that comrade ;)