natural as breathing

i miss doing this. so very much. i miss the freedom. i miss pushing my body to the limit of its potential. i miss the joy. i miss thinking i had no ounce of strength left, then finding i could leap higher or stick more pirouettes anyway. i miss the feeling of flight. i miss late evening classes & dancing between the sunbeams. i miss defeated days. i miss the wood floor squeaking against my bare feet as friction created new callouses. i miss the release. i miss being surrounded by music. i miss dancing outside the classroom. i miss perfect timing. i miss repeating the same movement nine million times and wondering if i'd ever get it right. i miss hating the mirror. i miss perfectly worn-in pointe shoes. i miss being deliciously exhausted. i miss the bliss of ice cold water after hours of sweat. i miss barre. i miss dreading adagio after a long day. (now i know i'm crazy!) i miss company forte. i miss watching a classmate execute something flawlessly & attempting to be that good. i miss the utter self-abandonment & self-forgetfulness of worshiping God with my everything.

there are some things i don't miss: bleeding, shin splints, pulled muscles. i don't miss crying from exhaustion & knowing my best wasn't good enough. i don't miss arch cramps, new pointe shoes, bruises. i really don't miss performing.

Eric Liddell said "I believe God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast. And when I run I feel God's pleasure." Kinda sums up how I felt when I danced.

(that is not me nor did i take this photo, i stole it from flickr.)