becoming slightly more faithful.

I've had an unplanned blog haitus. Life is very busy. Nothing new or changing circumstantially (despite my attempts haha) just busier. Spiritually, I feel like God is setting off fireworks inside. There is so much going on under the surface. I'm overwhelmed. It's impossible to express... much less understand it all! I'll try to write some of it out later. It would be good for me to get it out of my head and into the semi-reality of words.
A point of reference for what will come later. (don't you love the vagueness) This song is where my soul has been for many months. A good /difficult place. Difficult because I see more and more my unfaithfulness and impatience. Good because what He reveals He works on; and in seeing my great sinfulness I have also seen His great grace. He allowed me to feel how great is my desperation for Him. He did not allow me to feel His closeness. I should shut up and let Brooke Fraser speak for me.

There’s distance in the air
And I cannot make it leave
I wave my arms ‘round about me
And blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close
Though I know you’re always here
But the comfort of you near
Is what I long for

When I can’t feel you
I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can’t hear you
I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you
More than I want to live another day
And as I wait for you
Maybe I’m made more faithful

All the folly of the past
Though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one
Still trying to make it right
So I whisper soft your name
And let it roll around my tongue
Knowing you’re the only one who knows me
You know me