12.11.2005

into the west

Friday night we had our Christmas Event, basically a big show where we poke fun at everything and everyone. There were a lot of jokes and such. But the second half was a play-like musical thingy (what is it with metro&music?) about the Port of M. At the end, the narrator talked about a new ship getting ready to set sail, and her name was Grace. He said something that really affected me: "People ask me 'how far west will she go; where will she land.' Well, I don't know. I tell them that she is sailing westward, following the Son". (not exact quote). I wanted to cry. The next song was based on "west side story". They had the west side vs. east side and all. At the end, the west side went over and said their good-byes. They went to exit the stage, but dropped thier bags, looked back and ran over to hug the east side one last time. I was crying. it felt stupid, but I couldn't keep it in. The reality that I am really leaving (I haven't been admitting to myself that it's hard because I didn't expect it) couldn't be put off. I'm leaving. For real. As in there is no coming back. Here isn't home and never will be. Haven't been letting myself really think about it. It's uncomfortable. I'm not used to being this emotional. Or wearing it on my sleeve. Don't think I like it.
It's not that I'll never talk to my east-side friends again. But it's not home. Honestly it hasn't felt like home in a long time. Which feels extremely weird. I'll have to build new relationships and reach out. They, and my fellow west-siders will take first priority. Which is all good. It's about sharing the gospel, saving people from hell. Not friends. Sharing the light of this glorious news should be first priority anyway. It's a not just a privilege but a command.
I'm fully committed to planting our new church. It's going to be an amazing adventure. I can't believe God's letting me be a part of it!! I look forward to serving alongside some of the most wonderful people i know. Incredible...I'm glad, I know this is what it is for me right now. But that doesn't mean it's easy. Or always fun, or that I'm always happy. It's a paradox, feeling like your heart's being torn out of you and yet being joyful in the knowledge that it's God's will. Once we get this long good-bye over with, I will stop being surprised that I haven't run out of tears and be able to focus on Christ and His new church.
There are other things I've tossed around in my head but not fully realized. For me, this isn't just about one plant. For now that's my focus and goal. But like somebody said, I'm heading west and don't know how far God's going to lead me. I could keep going west and end up in Israel, or stop at the Gulf Coast. I have no idea. But I know the adventure of a lifetime is beginning. Scary thought indeed!! I feel so unprepared, immature...just not ready! He knows all this. He will shape me like clay into what He wants. It doesn't matter how ready or not I think I am, or what I have to lay down and give up. He knows I'm ready for just what He's planned. Wow.
**This got really long, so if you made it this far, you should get a prize. Like a free trip to Narnia or somewhere, but I'm not licensed to give those away. :)
Thanks to all of ya'll who have encouraged and/or prayed for me. God's so good! And faithful. Amazed.

25 comments:

Josh Sczebel said...

you're a good egg.





not really. but because of christ.
you are. thanks for the post it was really good.

joel sczebel said...

It was a good post. wow. Made me think of crossway's beginning. that was a long time ago.

lauren said...

i love you damaris

Brittany said...

I was almost crying during that part. I am glad they saved it to the end. I will miss you so much! You'll still come to Deluge, right?

lauren said...

did i mention that i love damaris?

joel sczebel said...

I believe you did.

dams said...

lauren i love you too.

what the hey is a good "egg"?! i'm
taking it as a compliment if it's becuase of Christ. (anything good is because of Christ)

britt, i don't know what i'm doing. (sounds familar eh?)we'll be there jan. and feb., but after that we'll just have to see what God says. there won't be a youth ministry for a while. i'm the only high schooler for this year and i'm graduating. oh i forgot the derry twins, aren't they in 9th? no 10th or 11th kids. just us. and singles would be...like 5 girls and 2 guys, maybe 3. so we probably won't have that either.
it's a big adventure. we're all probably more clueless than we think, but God's in control.

Brittany said...

Well, I am sure Mr. Brooks is just swamped with stuff for the church. Hahahah.

damaris said...

hahahaha. actually, the tallahasee church donated a bunch of stuff for us. if we can find it...

joel sczebel said...

We didn't have a youth group for probably about 3 years.

dams said...

oh. and then nobody showed up for ever. haha. or at least that's what you said in that "encouraging" email about church planting. 9but you didn't knowi was goign then so it's ok.)

dams is scared now said...

OH MY GOSH!! i just registered for NA, and scrolling through the churches i was like "guess i'll have to say metro for now" and there was GRACE CHURCH CLERMONT FL!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!


wow. that is the first time i've said i'm with taht thing. i'm the first grace church NA applicant!!
can't believe this...how wierd..

bettys sobbing bro said...

WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I MISS MLC ALREADY!!

josiah. said...

damaris is an egg!??

Brittany said...

You should really stop talking about it because that makes you dread it. Don't take my advice though. I didn't talk about going to Canada or prepare for it at all. I didn't even pack for myself! I just one day was like "Oh, I am leaving to go out of the country tomorrow. Maybe I should be kind of ready." Hahahah. The trip went great though but I will stop rambling now.

aly-the canadian who loves damaris said...

Damaris i love you too...

(josh's nose!!!!!!!!)

joel sczebel said...

I'm going to register for NA tomorning. Kinda weird how it's so early, but I don't want to be left out. That would stink.

damaris said...

STOP TALKING ABOUT IT?! are you kidding!? haha. if only i could. but this is what God's doing in my life. it's a cool/exciting thing for the most part. i'm not dreadign it, once we 'set sail' it will be so much better. kinda. like i know what i'm talking about hahaha.

aly, i think you and lauren are in some conspiracy thign to make me say "i love you".
you know i love you...


(hahahahah poor josh. its really not that bad but i laugh anyway)

Brittany said...

Aly knows that we all love her.

rebekah said...

ok, i finally read it and managed not to cry. amazing. good post. i know how you feel. i wish i could have been at the bash, but i wouldnt have missed the weekend i did have for the world.

yes, there is a big gap in the youth between 14 y.o. and the singles (you count Merry).

Brittany said...

More people will come eventually.

Delian said...

True story to what Brittany just said... more people will come!!!! And with them will come both blessings and adjustments! But God is good! Great post girl! I already cried tonight so I didn't cry again... but yeah, I wanted to...but no. ;)

Brittany said...

It was pretty sad watching it at the Bash.

joel sczebel said...

I like how you people just call whatever it was "the Bash"



AAAAAAAH. Listening to "Central Park" right now. I want to cry.

Brittany said...

That's because that is really what it was called. It was "The Bash"