twenty nine. two months in, and i'm thinking this is going to be a hard year. but one that i hope proves to be integral to growth, to healing; to looking back next year from a better place. it seems i can't heal emotionally until i confront the lion in the corner. it's the scariest of all my demons. it's the pieces of me that were most damaged by abuse and that were at one time most important. the fragments of memory still hurt when i bump into them. i don't know how to begin, where to start, what this looks like. but i know i need it. i can't wait anymore. i can't let fear keep me from moving forward. it's a strange thing, that i can't move on emotionally until i sort out who i am spiritually. the two shouldn't be connected in my head. but here they are. proclaiming loudly that they're as intertwined as clouds in a sky. i can't have one without the other. i am terrified. i'm more scared of God than i am my father at this...