wild melody

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooiwXyo4N9s  oh my dear Ukraine. my heart is breaking as Kyev burns. i know Independence Square well, I've walked those streets and sat on the curb exhausted with coffee from Coffee House in my hand. I've been in St Michael's. how i love this country... if i had any medical training i would be on a plane to Kyev now. literally,  i'd be on my way: here  . i'm ashamed at the way our government has let others maneuver the political field in this situation, how we have not made any counter offers or helped negotiations move toward the people being heard. i never thought i would see the day when we only cared for a "democracy" of name only, when it was in our own interests. how can we the free not help those who know what it's like to live oppressed? God forgive us. this is my theme song today, shared with me by a good friend who loves Ukraine as well. (i see fire by ed sheeran)

Kiev from a hill above Independence Square, taken in 2012 I found this article from an Israeli paper to give refreshing a non-american, non-bbc (read: not afraid to take a strong stand on the side of an argument) view on the protests in Kiev. You can find it here:   http://www.haaretz.com/opinion/.premium-1.573142 i want to DO something for my heart country, but i cannot. i'm powerless. all i can do is pray pray pray and talk to my friends in Kiev. please join me in praying for their safety.  also pray for this resilient nation that has already suffered oppression and violence under other nations for longer than we as Americans can fathom. pray for peace, pray that democracy will win, pray against civil war and against Ukraine becoming a pawn on the stage of international politics.

i'm fascinated by space. it terrifies me. but i always wanted to experience it at least once. it's constant, logical, beautiful. vaster and deeper than i can fathom. a burning stillness. tonight it's comforting (not "comfort" for when one is sad, more like cozy & enjoyable to dwell on). stars & galaxies & planets all spinning through the still ink of our universe... constant. yet always changing. stars die, things shift & alter, planet systems break down. | yet | not one.single.atom fails to an extant that would disrupt the fragile balance of earth. our solar system remains stable. it is continually being upheld by Christ. no matter what happens in my small world, the "real" world is safe. Jesus maintains the world of matter with all its laws & orderly mathematic precision so it can remain unshaken. steady.  hearts and minds falter. nations fail. moments of felt (or actual) weakness is a sure common experience acros...

I had a realization while in Wyoming. i saw my heart in the land, and it gave fresh perspective. My writing skills are rusty as hey. but i'ma try to write it down at least for myself. it's been a few weeks, & I need to remember.  the day before the funeral was freezing--literally, around 17f-- but I needed physical space to work my mental knots out. so Nate & I went for a walk in my aunt & uncle's neighborhood. it's the kind you'd expect to find on a prairie outside Cheyenne, Wyoming. no streetlights. no sidewalks. long driveways. acres of land between houses, usually with a barn & or round pens. the street signs seem out of place. as if the houses are there by permission of the prairie, but the street signs are intrusive. the land can be inhabited; but street signs bring a sense of taming & ownership that can never be truly believed. the prairie is not tame-able. that tangent probably doesn't make sense to anybody but me (which is w...

it was a blessed day. God was kind. I'm grateful I took pictures. (except the pic of us w/ nana is from yesterday but I didn't have a photo of today's visit) bc right now the silence is whispering & I am desperately trying to fill my mind with lovely to keep it out.  I'm not good with silence  right now because all the quiet reminds me death is waiting.  I can't help picturing the book thief character...waiting. watching us.  knowing what we don't, being surprised at how unaware we seem. wondering at the foolish way hope sneaks in on days things seem so much better. its not like that. i know the gospel.  damn it. i don't want to mourn the living! i will not grieve while she is yet here for me to hug. pray for. sit with, speak to, laugh with-at... this is why i avoid silence right now. quiet has a voice, I can hear the wrecked days whispering at the edge of my consciousness. it knows how scared ...

what do you do, when you know it in your head...but your heart is unresponsive? I don't need preaching-I can probably tell you which book of the bible your fix-it bandaid or your sledgehammer conviction came from. yeah, I've to said it all. i thought hope wouldn't leave me. in all my darkness before, I've had small {sometimes painfully faint} existence of hope within. this time. nada. i fight to believe God is good. a rescuer, restorer of wasted time & making faithful the weary. but my heart stopped. & i never noticed. don't tell me to just believe. I know it's real intellectually...but deeper? I feel like God has done nothing. I KNOW its my perspective! but i can.not open my eyes of faith. so desperately want to remake the choice to always believe His Words no matter what my eyes see. i'd relive the hell of 2012 where I knew He was enough & I knew I treasured Him most over this apathy. my heart is so dead. what good is mental assent?  something...

this is not going to be well written bc I'm brain fried. just call it a rough draft, & sometime when I'm out of school I will write a much better version. I told Abi I'd blog about why I love flashpoint... it follows the strategic response unit (SRU) team 1 as they respond to 911 calls that are above everyday police ability. its got a psychological analysis angle, a human interest/personal story angle, sweet equipment, damn fine shooting, & a female sniper named Julianna O'Callahan. what's not to love?! ;)  now i should say, I'm not a tv person. I'll watch shows if they're on to be with people. but I get bored of tv quick. ive only ever followed Sherlock...& maybe Psych a bit bc i laugh out loud...sidetrack. anyway. one of my good friends family's can watch tv all day long, & I alway ended up doing dishes bc I'd think "I can't take anymore watching other people do things while I'm still!!" just to show how NOT a ...