wild melody

dude, this cracked me up! (maybe study brain + exhorbitant amounts of coffee, idk. but i lol'd): Mr. Darcy: hey, I just met you Mr. Darcy: and this this crazy Mr. Darcy: but I’m going to act coldly distant to you for a long time, then awkwardly admit my undying love to you and save you from liking a horrible liar and gambler, then propose to you, telling you I love you not for your beauty but for your mind. Mr. Darcy: so call me maybe. from: modern hepburn then this *still* feels like solid truth! : from:  http://youknowyoureadancerwhen.tumblr.co m seriously. when i'm antsy & restless & adhd. when i'm being stupid & emotional (or validly emotional). when i'm thinking hard n sorting something out...that's when i miss dance the most. my body still HAS to move! absolutely has to relieves stress physically. sometimes i feel suffocated, chained, trapped by my own phyisical limitations and the lack of space for whirling about....

the sun is going to come up much too early for my tired self tomorrow. but i can't sleep. or read. maybe if i toss scattered ramblish out of my head. sleep might show up. i danced my heart out today. after dancing out other things, my heart finally showed up. i don't know if it's from not taking lessons anymore. or from having what feels like an old and fading body. but. it's becoming hard to really dance with my heart. i'm forgetting how to be free. my head gets total control. so distracting. "um you call that a develope en second? your leg's closer to the floor than the ceiling! you haven't taken lessons in some 4 years...choreography please? something decent? ouch! okay maybe shouldn't try decent when your muscles are cold& unstretched...what the hell was that?!...etc" ugh. constant chatter. you'd think i was conscious of an audience. instead of having a whole house to myself...eventually i got to the sweet spot. of forgetting myself...

((often)). especially when there is so much going on inside of me...good things & heart things & my head trying to sort it all out but realizing some things in life, are not logicalness. sometimes God gives us situations. that require trusting. blind following. resting in His plans & knowledge and the joy of being okay with knowing only that He is in control. i put on my pointe shoes today. and danced until i was shakily beyond breathing. as if i could dance my emotions into articulation...if only i could!! if only i had movements for my heart. sigh. news flash: i an't do a fouette en pointe anymore. only one rotation and the ankle gives out, so tragical. haha. mmm. so here i am sitting in my room. back supported by a sea coloured wall, hurting rubbed raw feet stretched out in front of me. the warmth of the laptop easing sore legs. allie moss & eminem sharing my grooveshark. and my heart is so full. my head confused, but peacefully resting on an anchor stronger than...

i miss doing this. so very much. i miss the freedom. i miss pushing my body to the limit of its potential. i miss the joy. i miss thinking i had no ounce of strength left, then finding i could leap higher or stick more pirouettes anyway. i miss the feeling of flight. i miss late evening classes & dancing between the sunbeams. i miss defeated days. i miss the wood floor squeaking against my bare feet as friction created new callouses. i miss the release. i miss being surrounded by music. i miss dancing outside the classroom. i miss perfect timing. i miss repeating the same movement nine million times and wondering if i'd ever get it right. i miss hating the mirror. i miss perfectly worn-in pointe shoes. i miss being deliciously exhausted. i miss the bliss of ice cold water after hours of sweat. i miss barre. i miss dreading adagio after a long day. (now i know i'm crazy!) i miss company forte. i miss watching a classmate execute something flawlessly & attempting to be th...