snapshots // mental fragments

it was a blessed day. God was kind.

I'm grateful I took pictures. (except the pic of us w/ nana is from yesterday but I didn't have a photo of today's visit)

bc right now the silence is whispering & I am desperately trying to fill my mind with lovely to keep it out. 

I'm not good with silence 

right now

because all the quiet

reminds me death is waiting. 

I can't help picturing the book thief character...waiting.

watching us. 

knowing what we don't, being surprised at how unaware we seem.

wondering at the foolish way hope sneaks in on days things seem so much better.

its not like that. i know the gospel. 

damn it. i don't want to mourn the living! i will not grieve while she is yet here for me to hug. pray for. sit with, speak to, laugh with-at...

this is why i avoid silence right now. quiet has a voice, I can hear the wrecked days whispering at the edge of my consciousness. it knows how scared I am. 

but Jesus will be there.