wild melody

"Even our (failures) can bring forth}} good .if. they crush our independence,  }}drive} us closer to Christ and make us more aware of our need of grace . The greatest need of a true saint is a greater revelation of the love of God IN CHRiST." ~paul washer so maybe i feel like i am doing the worst single-mum-of-5 + dog + helpful teenage weekend ever. i think i was more fun, patient, leading-little-hearts-toward-Christ aware my very first time at this than i am now. but. maybe God's working in me. AND these precious littles. maybe He has a plan in all the littlest things that don't seem siginificant at all. who knows? He is about the business of redeeming hearts...hooray. cheers.

lost. i feel lost. here i sit in my room, a different girl then the one who left 3 weeks ago for Ukraine. (3 weeks? are we sure it wasn't 3 months, or years even? did we really only do 2 orphan camps?) i want to burn the furniture, tear everything off my door & rebuild from scratch. i missed my beautiful family but i was not ready to leave...was i really walking the streets of Kyiv just  27 hrs ago? i have seen so much . i've been punched, smacked, loved, bruised, hugged, bitten, kissed, tackled, peed on, adored, blessed beyond measure. i've been heartwrenched, ecstatic, humbled, scared, used by God, convicted, challenged, blessed, confused, broken. i've seen inhuman treatment of children that i cannot comprehend. i've seen some of the most beautiful hearts Jesus ever created in His people & seen Christ shine through them. i've loved freely as God loves through me, and i have held back love i ought to have shared. i've felt the bravery God's...

this was waiting for me when i came to work on friday. it brought tears to my eyes. " I'm very sorry about the lost of your grandpa. my hamster pudge died say a week ago. I still haven't got over it but you know that God is with you even if your grandpa died and he must've had a good long life. From, Chloe " so precious.

While canoeing with the Peines Saturday, the following conversation ensued between 6 yr old (?) Mathew and I: "You could put this picture on your blog and tie it into God." "How would I tie it in?" "You could say how God is bigger, stronger than an alligator..." I don't have time to actually write today; so instead I'll post a portion of the psalm I read yesterday. The whole psalm is beautiful but longish for here. " O LORD, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures. Here is the sea, great and wide, which teems with creatures innumerable, living things both small and great. There go the ships, and Leviathan, which you formed to play in it. These all look to you, to give them their food in due season. When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are filled with good things. When you hide your face, they are dismayed; when you take away their breath, they die ...

(last photo by beks) Children. They're such living examples of God's goodness, are they not? That He would choose to create humans so as to start life so small and precious... They're incredibly creative. I love their crazy logic. Their nonsensical thought process. Sometimes trying to figure out how to answer thier question is difficult, as you can't figure out exactly what they're asking you about. It's like walking through your best friend's house in the dark. It's familiar and you know it; but you're thrown off because you're so used to "seeing" it. (i'm not making sense. forget the poor analogy.) Kids display God's patience in growing us "big people". Haha. How often when dealing with their sin do I find my own is just as involved in the problem! I'm amazed at how my attitude is reflected in their behavior. Days when I come to work not relying on His grace? Those are the days I wonder how much ...

Princess Belle. One of the kids I nanny for. She's the quirkiest ever. She loves to make you laugh. She has no healthy sense of fear. (haha) Her favourite princesses are Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Belle. I call her Belle because she adores books, playing outside, and loves the Beast. (when she saw Beauty and the Beast live at disney , she wasn't scared; nope she wanted to give him a hug afterward. !!) Future soccer champ. :) "Fe-Fe" & "the bunny". They join us for tea parties. Where the vase serves as a creamer. (?) She loves to dance. She'll ask for "the purple dress" and "music". But it has to be the right music...if you put in anything other than classical ballet (nutcracker, swan lake, etc) watch out for the conniption! so cute. i love this kid.

8:20 am. I'm in the kitchen scrounging up breakfast when dad says "When were you supposed to go to Annie's?" "8:45". "No, she's on the phone. 8:15." Can you say frantic? I made it to her house in record time. At least she laughed. Never done anything that blonde before. I work for the wonderful Mcleans. Michaela (k-k)-8; Alyssa(lissy)-6; Chloe(chlo) 4; Olivia (livi)-1. I first started babysitting for them around 14. Now I nanny. Of sorts. I do laundry, errands, organize, help with homework, & take care of the girls. It's a good job. Today, I got alot more FMT (future mom training)than I wanted. We went to Mcdonald's for breakfast. Livvy's sin nature was showing. She was a screaming, back-arching, i-want-my-way-NOW little thing. Throwing food, climbing out of the seat onto the table, spilling things. Attracting the attention of the whole resturaunt to an 18 yr old girl fighting a baby. Humbling experiance...I forgot how exhaustin...

everyone's favorite floridian beksta has a blog now. go say hi or something. unless you're a hoser. it's a hoser-free blog. here it is: http://foreverachildatheart.blogspot.com/ i have to leave to babysit. my girls. they are so precious. i babysit them every wednesday. i love having an almost-fam-member relationship with them. except in church alyssa runs up and slams into me to give me a hug..i almost fall over if i'm wearing unstableish shoes. this is my shortest post ever. so i'll dedicate it to those of you who have a hard time reading my long ones. i can think of 3. have fun. read psalm 91. excellent. over and out