wild melody

this actually happened: "... But they all cried out together,  “Away with this man, and release to us Barabbas”—   a man who had been thrown into prison for an insurrection started in the city and  for murder.   Pilate addressed them once more, desiring to release Jesus,   but they kept shouting, “Crucify, crucify him!”     A third time he said to them, “Why,  what evil has he done?  I have found in him no guilt deserving death .  I will therefore punish and release him.”   But they were urgent, demanding with loud cries that he should be crucified. And their voices prevailed.   So Pilate decided that their demand should be granted.   He released the man who had been thrown into prison  for insurrection and murder, for whom they asked,  but he delivered Jesus over to their will.  Two others, who were criminals, were led away to be put to death with him. ...And when they came to the place that is cal...

fuzzy static. there's a radio connection between my heart & the Spirit. the sounds of a station one click to the left, almost clear. bit the words are garbled. i keep it fuzzy. do I really want to tune in? or not. it might make me change my current course of action. it's probably going to piss off one person in particular, & I really don't want any flak. but I'm the shittiest liar/faker on the planet so I'm already being a fun-killer bc of my internal indecisions. the tension is obvious. //I fear man more than God.// I could hear it, loud and clear. Wouldn't even have to move or leave the people around me. it would be so simple. one click. "alright Lord, what are you saying? I'm listening..." but I don't. //i care more about approval & fitting in then I do about communication w my God// mmm, but. excuses flood my mind. but I'm really sick if being "that" girl. I'm always alone in these things. why me? if ...

The promised expoundation* upon the "fireworks" ... A few posts ago I mentioned that God did some explosive works in my heart. (aka fireworks) First of all, explosive doesn't mean new. God isn't telling me "move to Ghana". In fact, my circumstances are static. (good static). Second, this is probably going to be a rather ramblish*, spewing-thoughts-rapidly-as-they-flow post. I haven't sorted any of it out. But what better use for a blog than to record the goodness of God? Jan 7-8 I went to a "Growing in Gifts of the Spirit" retreat. I entered it living life in black & white and left seeing in technicolour. Seriously. The past few months I'd been in a season of semi-darkness. I was weary. Partly because I was continually falling off of the fine line between "bearing other's burdens by carrying them to Christ" and "bearing other's burdens on my small shoulders in pride." My fight for joy was half-hearted. In fac...

photobybeks. "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might . Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood , but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God , that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm ." {eph 6.10-12} it is amazing how God can give grace. really. how one can feel utterly beaten down and exhausted; yet have peace and a knowledge that He will supply just the amount of strength needed. amazing. that's what my life has looked like since wednesday. it's pretty much the same as it was before wednesday, except God's grace has been poured out in greater amounts. if i am making sense... anyway these verses go along with a prayer from Valley of Vi...

O thou Giving God , My heart is drawn out in thankfulness to thee, for thy amazing grace and condescension to me in influences and assistances of thy Spirit, for special help in prayer, for sweetness of Christian service, for the thoughts of arriving in heaven, for always sending me needful supplies, for raising me to new life when I am like one dead . I want not the favour of man to lean upon for they favour is infinitely better. Thou art eternal wisdom in dispensations towards me; and it matters not when, nor where, nor how I serve thee, nor what trials I am exercised with, if I might but be prepared for they work and will . No poor creature stands in need of divine grace more than I do, And yet none abuses it more than I have done, and still do. How heartless and dull am I! Humble me in the dust for not loving thee more. Every time I exercise any grace renewedly I am renewedly indebted to thee, the God of all grace, for special assistance. I cannot boast when I think how dependent I...

It was Your grace that drew me to the cross It was Your grace that gave me faith It was Your grace that reconciled me to Yourself Though I had sinned in every way You disarmed me of everything that I would lean on So I would lean on You And you stripped me of everything I would depend on So I'd depend on You In You alone, my strength is found In You alone, my hope abounds In You alone, my strength is found My life is bound up in You And in my weakness give me still more grace Grace to cast myself on You In every trial let me find Your peace and joy And grace to humbly walk with You O disarm me of everything I would lean on.... Jesus strip me of everything I would depend on... Give me more grace...and new mercies every morning ... This is becoming the theme song of my life. It started a few years ago, with circumstances I didn't like. I wanted them to change. I thought no good could possibly come of them. I was more concerned with my comfort level than with w...

I said I'd share some of what God did in my heart at NA. Specifics. I'm going to pull from my journal so we'll see if it makes sense. Here goes. If I had to pick one word to describe what God did at NA, it'd be renew . Or refresh. (adjectives. I can’t use just one.) It began on the ride up. Jill, Heather and I took turns reading scripture out loud. We all chose very different passages yet their common theme was grace . This really impacted me. I'd been struggling with condemnation for awhile. I prayed. And prayed...but it seemed like a losing battle...When we walked into worship that night there was a word on the screen. GRACE . During worship, God came. He washed away the condemnation. How much sweeter does grace seem when you feel the weight of your sin! It is always precious , but my perspective is so often skewed…He reminded me afresh of the blood of His Son . That amazing transaction by which all my debt was paid. Forever. I was so freshly aware of my undeservi...

God's grace. Wow. There are a million ways He lavishes that gift on us. What a mindblowing gift it is...It seems I find a new, practical means of this grace evidenced in my life everyday. I seriously could not imagine going through life and not knowing this grace. I am grateful for the insanity of my life right now, because it is showing me my incredible dependance (stealing als word there cause it's so true) on His grace.

((photo credit brianwells//wyoming06)) Before the throne of God above I have a strong and perfect plea A great High Priest whose name is love Who ever lives and pleads for me My name is graven on His hands My name is written on His heart I know that while in heaven He stands No tongue can bid me thence depart When Satan tempts me to despair And tells me of the guilt within Upward I look and see Him there Who made an end of all my sin Because the sinless Savior died My sinful soul is counted free For God, the Just, is satisfied To look on Him and pardon me Behold Him there, the risen Lamb My perfect, spotless righteousness The great unchangeable I AM The King of Glory and of Grace One with Himself I cannot die My soul is purchased by His blood My life is hid with Christ on high With Christ my Savior and my God a random song spun off the computer. wasn't even in a playlist. it became a means of grace. causing what had been a struggle for joy to become no longer a fight, but a definit...