life in reverse

you know you're lame when you steal your own titles. oh well. ali says i am lame but not shallow...that works. i need a moniter, before my computer thinks it has a permanent residance under my bed... josh, your comments don't get lost. but the whole save the wheel mantra is getting old. i liked the szcebelly's latest flick. maybe because it felt like a movie made by a dyslexic. haha.

so here comes the rant. boys will probably not enjoy the following paragraph. i hate shopping...i went to khols today. to use my giftcard. with my mom. who is one of the most godly, incredible women i know. she's great. anyway what is up with everything being super frilly, or ugly, or completely un-wearable by anyone who wants to keep thier dignity intact? they do not make modest AND trendy clothes. rarely. it's cheap fabric with fancy labels and high price tags. and most of the more girly shirts take more effort than thier worth to make them wearable. (actually they're not really feminine they just look like it. why do people care more about whether you dress "feminine enough" but don't care if your heart is cultivating proverbs 31character or not? but i'm not getting into that.). it's not that i don't like feminine clothes, it takes alot more work to find modest ones. which is why i wear jeans and t shirts more often. frustrating. feminity is more about the heart than the clothes. good thing for me. not because my heart is all good, just because God's power is at work there.
guess i should learn to sew. i DO NOT have the patience. i have just enough to handle taking care of kids. My mom tried to teach me once and it took me 2weeks to make a skirt that was supposed to take 1hour. haha. my train of thought keeps jumping off the rails today...

~dami
(freind of pami and ali;)

merry.christmas...ya'll.

Tommorrow is Christmas Eve. It's one of my most favorite parts. Mum's side--aka Benjamin Clan--goes to her parent's house. There there will be lots of food, laughter, and teasing. And a beautiful big christmas tree. (have i mentioned that i love christmas trees?) At some point, "Lori and the boys" (ie Lindseys) will call from VA and we'll put them on speakerphone. And all talk at once. Yet understand each other. Haha. We'll talk about Christ's birth and such, and one of the guys will pray a looooong but good prayer while we all try not to think of the food.
This year we have even more reason to be grateful: Grandma Benjamin is alive and well enough to have us over, despite the ravages of chemotherapy. Thank God, I'M NOT SICK! So I can go, with the rest of my family. :) Many times I've prayed that she'd be well enough to see us. I'm so glad she has God to rely on. Indeed, I don't know how anybody can go through cancer and not utterly despair without Christ to rest in....off track. Meant to talk about Christmas. I love it. The tree, the lights, the smells, the giving of presents, and the snow. Yes, snow. Even though we don't have it here in FL, it's still cool. ((I had a white christmas in New York once))

My most favorite part about Christmas is this: it comemorates the birth of my Savior. What cause for rejoicing!! Christ, the Messiah, Immanuel-GOD with us!!! ((what a mind-blowing name, eh?)) Why does is it such glorious news? Because if Christ hadn't come to earth, He wouldn't have lived a sinless life. Fully human yet fully God. If He hadn't lived a sinless life, He wouldn't have taken my sins to the cross; or risen again. And if he hadn't died for my sins, I would not be here right now. The place I'd be wouldn't be a better one. But He did come. His crimson blood has removed the stain of my sin! Washing me clean, whiter than new-falling snow. What joy, what peace, what hope, and what a love this truth is.

Often, I'm afraid I don't really think about the birth of Christ. I do, but I don't always connect it to the cross. I don't realize what an incredible thing it is. Indeed, I'll never be able to fully comprehend how wonderfully, gloriouslly awesome it is. Nor will I ever be as grateful as I should. I will never be able to repay God. Payment is impossible when one doesn't fully comprehend the price. Yet another cause for thankfulness! He knows we can't repay Him. He sees us with the righteousness of His Son and only asks us to live for Him. Is it any wonder that we want to spend our whole lives serving this gracious King?
Merry. Christmas. (white or no)

~damaris

use your imagination and pretend this is a good title

You'd think my blog was almost as popular as joe's. oh wait that spot is permenantly taken. Oh well. Popular blogs have to be entertaining...and i don't want to put forth that effort.
Storytime. Mum said she was "gladish" the other day. I just about fell off my chair. She just laughed at my saddish disbelief. When I informed her that it's bad form to talk like your teenager, she said it was worse form to correct your mother. dang.
about knicknames. you're not allowed to give them to yourself around here, mr. penn hick. which i'll have to call you for now cause the sczebels don't know you, and they're the nick-namers. hoser is a canadain term for we're not sure what. that one just flies around.

i have to finish christmas shopping while the sun is shining, so I'll leave ya'll to talk to yourselves. (just so you know, i'm laughing at all of you)

~outsishness

something like movie reviews

Narnia...saw the movie today. It was pretty good. I liked. Jadis' blonde hair threw me off, I always imagined it 'raven black'. And her as looking more inhuman. The kids were good. (not just saying that 'cause they have lovely UK accents either). Lucy was great. Of course. She's the best. Susan was more undermining (not right word) of Peter than I remembered. Peter was more indecisive/unsure of himself than in the book. Oh but his sword! Don't think I'll get a sword for christmas. oh well. Aslan didn't get enough screen time. But he was alright--especially compared to the BBC puppet. Nobody could ever really capture the wonderfulness of Aslan. No matter how awesome the lion, animation or voice; it'd be slightly dissapointing. Or so I think. Maybe that's only if you've been reading the books since you were 7, with a billion-watt imagination. The parallel to Christ as our redemptive sacrifice was un-missable. CS Lewis is amazing.

Now to completly change subjects. The new P&P... dangerous waters here. I saw it with 2 girl friends, Wesley & Abby. (we 3 are the "josh harris" girls in my dance company. they make me want to grow in godliness just by being themselves).
Abby said it best: "I've never had so much fun hating a movie in my life!" I laughed more in that movie than I have in ages. I concur. I'm a hopeless un-romantic. Maybe there's something wrong with me. The part of my brain that's supposed to like mush is disconnected. (Yet I LOVE the AE version). Can't stand Keira K. Nasty of me, I know, but she's annoying. She seemed really mean. Elizabeth wasn't mean, she laughed and smiled and was joking. (except when Darcy blew his 1st proposal but that's different) Some say Kiera was the perfect Elizabeth Bennet. Guess nobody read the book. She wasn't. Julia E. was oh-so-better. Didn't cry, except from laughter. Then, I rarely cry in movies. I did like the cinemaphotography. And the music. ((the part where Kiera spins on the swing? People hated it. Said it made them sick. We loved it. Great way to show passage of time.)) Bingley acted like a stupid oaf. "come back anytime you're not feeling well" I looked at Abby. We think way too much alike. I saw the suppressed laughter on her face...
And the ending!! Oh my lanta!! The 1st "mrs darcy" was ok. Cheese but sweet. The 2nd was just stupid. I was trying SO HARD not to laugh out loud, but by the 4th time I lost it. We sat there laughing. Really hard. Out loud. Trying to be quietish. It was finally over. I thought I'd die I was laughing so hard.
We then went to Wesley's house to watch the real P&P. haha. Funny story. Went by Publix to get some food first. Abby and Wes are both tall, like 5'8 and5'6. My short hobbitness at 5'2(and a half) can't keep up. So I have this little skipping to catch up. Then we get home, and the movie starts with Elizebeth on a walk. She breaks into a run. They're like "you think you're not Elizebeth!". It was pretty funny...you had to be there. Beks would've loved it. She's the one who convinced me I was Elizabeth. I used to fiercly deny it.
Short story: I think the AE version is the best, the book is better.

hi andrew. dell is a pretty cool kid. comment when you want. we have canadian hosers and fl pomegranates here...

~dams is outs. if you made it through half that than you rocks and win a free trip to neverland.

i am not good with these:

that would be titles. i hate them. whenever i wrote stories (back in the day when i did) i could never get a good title. if i started out with one, it'd end up having nothing to do with my story. if i left it to the end, it didn't happen. my lyrics are rarely titled either, because i have to have music to consider them a real song, and not-quite-real songs don't have to have titles.

my life is running at a headlong pace right now. which is good. teaches me dependance on God. but i do stupid things like read the psalms or start writing-not stupid on thier own- but i do them at later times than i should. the clock gets to AM before i know it. i heard somebody talking about sleep the other day. what is that? i seem to have forgotten...

i will NOT do a shredded slacks documentary about shopping for jeans. good reasons:
1)my jeans aren't shredded. just a little beat up. they're certainly not being held together by fire-wire cables or other crazy items. (i wouldn't be wearing them if they were. unlike...)
2)we still don't have a vidoe camera. unlike normal american families, we can't just go by a cheapish one to make do. we have to find one worthy enough to be used for the occasional filming gig, yet affordable; and my mom says she has to be able to understand how to use it. (HA!! i think we should just have a family one and a filmer one. but money doesn't grow on bushes, trees, vines, or weeds. i've been looking.)
3) i'm not going jean-shopping, i've been christmas shopping. which is infinitly more fun and enjoyable. in my opinion.
speaking of gifts. i guess if you can't afford hundred-dollar presents, it follows the said gifts must be cheesy. not sure why, but it seems to be the assumption. that's what i got in an email lately.

i saw in the post office today shippign rates go up jan. 8. if you want to send anything to the great white northwest (commonly called BC Canada) do it before then.
i think it's enough material for ya'll to make fun of me with for now.
resting in God's strenght (still obsessed with his stars) is
~dams

"anything short of hell is grace"--j.c.s.

into the west

Friday night Metro had their Christmas Bash, basically a big show where we poke fun at everything and everyone. They haven't had it in several years, I was never able to go before. There were alot of jokes about the "courting virus" and such. But the second half was a play-like musical thingy (what is it with metro&music? hope grace church is as musical) about the Port of Metro. At the end, the narrotor talked about a new ship getting ready to set sail, and her name was Grace. He said there was a alot of work to be done yet, but in a few weeks all would be ready and she would sail out. He said something that really affected me: "People ask me 'how far west will she go; where will she land.' Well, I don't know. I tell them that she is sailing westward, following the Son". (not exact quote). I was wanted to cry. The next song was based on "west side story". They had the west side vs. east side and all. At the end, the west side went over and said thier good-byes. They went to exit the stage, but dropped thier bags, looked back and ran over to hug the east side one last time. I lost it. I was crying so hard it felt stupid, but I couldn't keep it in. The reality that I am really leaving (I haven't been admitting to myself how hard that thought is) couldn't be put off. I'm leaving. For real. As in there is no coming back, metro isn't home and never will be again. Not that I'd think about coming back, but I've been pushing alot of those thoughts away. Not letting myself really think about it. It's uncomfortable. I'm not used to being this emotional. Or wearing it on my sleeve. Don't think I like it.
It's not that I'll never talk to my east-side friends again; I'll visit occasionally. But it's not home. Which feels extremely wierd. I'll have to build new relationships and reach out to others. They, and my fellow west-siders will take first priority. Which is all good. It's about sharing the gospel, saving people from hell. Not friends. Sharing the light of this gloroius news should be first priotority anyway. It's a not just a priveledge but a command.
Don't get me wrong, I'm fully committed to planting Grace Church. It's going to be an amazing adventure. I can't believe God's letting me be a part of it!! I look forward to serving alongside some of the most wonderful people alive. Incredible...I'm glad to be in God's will, as I know this is what it is for me right now. But that doesn't mean it's easy, or always fun, or that I'm always happy about it. (sadly) It's an indescribable paradox, feeling like your heart's being torn out of you and yet being joyful in the knowledge that it's God's will. Once we get this long good-bye over with, I will stop being surprised that I haven't run out of tears yet and be able to focus on Christ and His new church.
There are other things I've tossed around in my head but not fully realized. For me, this isn't just about planting Grace Church. For now that's my focus and goal. It could be for many years. But like Mr. Swanson said, I'm heading west and don't know how far God's going to lead me. I could keep going west and end up in Isreal, or stop at the Gulf Coast. I have no idea. But I know the adventure of a lifetime that I've been waiting for since Xtreme '02 is beginning. Scary thought indeed!! I feel so unprepared, immature...oh I'm just not ready! He knows all this. He will shape me like clay into what He wants. It doesn't matter how ready or not I think I am, or what I have to lay down and give up. He knows I'm ready for just what He's planned. Wow.
**This got really long, so if you made it this far, you should get a prize. Like a free trip to Narnia or somewhere, but I'm not licensed to give those away. :)
Thanks to all of ya'll who have encouraged and/or prayed for me. God's so good! And faithful. Amazed.

nada

church was excellent today. as always. they mentioned the internet and such again. i thought this whole blog thing out before I got it. Like my reasons for having one, and all that jazz. so i will post it eventually, but don't have time right now. i don't want to be all about me. but about God and my life; and bring it to my attention if you see sin in it. ya'll are pretty good about that. so thanks. keep it up.

decorating our christmas tree. tonite. i love the smell of pineness. we got it yesterday from a tree farm. the tree, that is. the smell just came with it. (the tree wasn't grown in fl though. it's a michigan import. how does that work?). the christmas tree lights are glowing on the screen and it looks cool.

yeah that was me in the pic. a while ago. not that it matters, just couldn't have anyone dying of curiosity. called beks and talked to her for about 10min. she was seeing SNOW in the MOUNTAINS.

God is so good. I wish I had time to tell ya'll how good He is, but I don't. So just know He's good. He's done so much for us.
Pray for me this week, if you want too. Stress overload. And things are happening so fast it's incredible. By now you're confused. Sorry. "Stressed" biblically means "self-sufficeincy struggle". I'm working on that fine line between doing my part and trying to do it all on my own.
goign to help put dinner on for those hungry guys that live in my house and are somehow related to me....
out of here


POST SCRIPT: yes, lauren's blog is gone. i removed the link. i am me sad to do it. bye pink :(